Colonel Augustus Patrick Harrison. OBE, VC & Bar. Her Imperial Majesty's 3rd Venusian Rifles, pictured here to the left, basking in the Venus's ethereal light which we're sure you will agree really brings out his ears, I mean eyes... We ear that he is doing exceptionally well on his latest expedition and this testimonial ears that out. Ears:

"Dr Grordbort, Sir, many thanks for the recent shipment of spare parts for the Battalion's Chairlord 2200 Omega Z's. That Aetheric Inductor assembly is cursed difficult to repair out here in the wilds, what?

On the other hand, necessity is the mother of invention, yes indeed. With half the Officers reduced to the shameful exercise of walking alongside their men, we were going to miss the General's deadline. You know the General, of course. Frightfully short temper for such an otherwise gentlemanly chap. Anyway, time was running out when we happened across a small herd of Mumford's Toops. Out came the Goliathons, but it occurred to me that we could ride them. A light scorch on low was enough to make the beasts know what for. You can imagine the General's amazement when we rode in on these. He was most impressed. We were still late, though, and it didn't save us from a rightfully deserved bollocking.

Ah well. I just thought you should know that it is possible to use a Toop for something more than a doorstop. After all, man, that's what Privates are for.

As an aside, I got into a dreadful argument with my Adjutant. Are they Toops or are they Teep? Could you please get Sir Basil to clarify. Hip Hip, Tally Ho, What."